HAPPINESS SQUARED

Happiness Squared

Today I heard Will Smith say that "you can't make a person happy" and I thought it was an interesting idea to reflect on. He says that "you can make a person smile, you can make a person feel good, you can make a person laugh but whether or not a person is happy is deeply and utterly out of your control." 

Real love is unconditional. If it's real, you love a person no matter what, even if they don't love you back. Otherwise, it's your ego, your desire to be loved that drives you in that relationship.  Too often, we find ourselves in situations when we require another person to love us, to give us attention, to give us gratitude, - and then it's not love anymore. Happiness in my interpretation is giving yourself fully to that person with whom you have a relationship. 

You first give, and only then you receive. But your happiness (in real meaning of this word) doesn't depend on receiving, it depends 100% on GIVING. You give yourself fully and you are happy because your desire to give is unconditional. 

Now, if, when giving yourself fully, you receive, what is it called then? Happiness squared? 

I firmly believe that you can't make a person happy. It's up to us to feel happy, feel as if we are flying, feel driven, inspired, motivated. Nobody can make us happy unless we have this happiness inside us already and unless it is expressed through giving.

Harvard researchers conducted a 75-year long study and they found the key to happiness. Here are their conclusions:

1. People are happier and healthier when they have good relationships. Social connections are really good for us. Loneliness kills. 

2. It's not just the number of friends you have but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters.

3. Good relationships not just protect our bodies, they protect our brains.

This study seems to assume that for a person to be happy, he/she must be surrounded by people who love this person or at least give some type of significant attention to that person. Otherwise, what's the point of being surrounded by people if they don't even talk to you.

I am not sure this is how it works because this type of attention from others triggers a different set of feelings inside us which lead to satisfaction, rather than happiness. We say we are happy because somebody loves us, but are we, really? Isn't giving yourself to others the only real trigger for happiness inside us? ​